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Expecting Perfection

I am a perfectionist. I inherently expect perfection in myself. Not others; just myself. I also know that this is unrealistic and part of accepting life as it is would be to let go of expecting perfection. However, this way of thinking has been hardwired in my brain from years of believing that the only way I can be happy with myself is to never make a mistake, never slack off, never allow my flaws to show. It is exhausting. And impossible. Hence, I am NEVER happy with myself.

I will be 40 years old this January and I am only now coming to the realization that I am okay with who I am right now at this very moment.

Body image has always been a problem for me. Even when I was 22 and in the best shape of my life, with a high metabolism and no babies under my belt (literally), my idea of myself was flawed. I believed I had a weight problem then and felt that my body never held up to my ideals. I defined myself based on how I thought I looked. If I don’t catch myself and remind myself to be Mindful, I fall into the same trap even today. We are constantly barraged by what society deems the way a woman should look. I must constantly remind myself that I am fine the way I am, that I am beautiful because I am the way I am right now at this moment.

Relief is what I feel when I become Mindful of the present moment and know that this moment is perfect because it is what it is meant to be. We tend to define the moment as good or bad but practicing Mindfulness means that we don’t label moments and experiences but just accept them as they are. This realization gives me a sense of freedom to be myself with all my assets as well as flaws apparent for the world to see. There is nothing to hide.

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